Fine Point
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« on: February 15, 2009, 08:30:54 pm » |
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Online Dating: Why it Fails
By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Staff Writer
posted: 12 February 2007 09:08 am ETThe next time you log onto a dating site, you might want to add “mysterious” to your list of desired traits, because the less you know about a potential mate the better. A new study of romantic relationships finds that as online daters got to know another person over time, their initially sweet notions turned sour. The researchers suggest that inflated expectations can lead to major disappointments when daters meet in person. Once a flaw is spotted, the whole date is tainted. Fantasies vanishing with knowledge is a process that hits women harder than men, said Michael Norton of Harvard Business School and one of the study's authors. “On online dates, women are much, much more disappointed than men," Norton said. Women put more stock in the virtual dating world because they seek a soul mate, he said, whereas men are typically after a more casual relationship. It's not that familiarity always breeds contempt, the researchers say. But on average, as you learn more about any lover, the less likely it is that you will click and get along with them, Norton explained. more @ livescience.com
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There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation. – Herbert Spencer
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Firecrotch
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2009, 08:33:35 pm » |
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I met my boyfriend on an internet dating site and we've been together for almost four years. I guess I'm one of the few lucky ones.
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Fine Point
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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2009, 08:40:35 pm » |
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You strike me as a very down-to-earth person and, perhaps, your boyfriend is too.
I think if you keep your feet firmly on terra firma and resist the urge to immerse yourself in flights of fancy and fantasy, your chances may be better than average.
From my own observations and from what I read in this article, it's the fantasy brought to reality aspect that kills any chance these relationships could grow into a mature loving phase.
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There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation. – Herbert Spencer
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wizer
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2009, 08:45:01 pm » |
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Online dating isn't any different than meeting someone in "real life". You gotta get to know the person before either of you knows if it's going to go the distance. I met my wife on a blind date..we went almost 15 years, then that one failed, as do many marriages..most of which probably didn't start out from online dating either.
I've had 3 relationships as a result of online dating..1.5 months, 4 months, and my present one which is winding down because it's just run it's course.
Sounds to me like whoever wrote the article struck out one too many times...lol.
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Firecrotch
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« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2009, 08:45:53 pm » |
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What you said makes sens. When I joined the site, I wasn't looking for a soul mate. I just wanted to meet people and take it from there. S/O and me hit it off right away. We chatted for about a week, then spoke on the phone for another week. We then met face-to-face. Since then, we've never left each other's side.
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wizer
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« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2009, 08:53:45 pm » |
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What you said makes sens. When I joined the site, I wasn't looking for a soul mate. I just wanted to meet people and take it from there. S/O and me hit it off right away. We chatted for about a week, then spoke on the phone for another week. We then met face-to-face. Since then, we've never left each other's side.
What about when one of you goes to the bathroom? |
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Firecrotch
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« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2009, 09:11:30 pm » |
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He tags along and will at times serenade me.  |
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wizer
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« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2009, 09:29:32 pm » |
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He tags along and will at times serenade me. I recommend lots of air freshener |
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Fine Point
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« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2009, 09:50:03 pm » |
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He tags along and will at times serenade me. Oh hey now, that's cute! |
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation. – Herbert Spencer
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GoodWitch
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« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2009, 10:29:16 pm » |
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I could write a book. Maybe I will......  |
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fairydust
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« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2009, 02:31:01 am » |
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I think online dating works out better if the people meet sooner rather then later.. too much time chatting on IM's and the phone leads to way too many unreal fantasies and expectations.
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GoodWitch
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« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2009, 07:55:08 am » |
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I think online dating works out better if the people meet sooner rather then later.. too much time chatting on IM's and the phone leads to way too many unreal fantasies and expectations.
Everything I say here is based on the premise that the people involved are looking for a serious lifelong relationship. Agreed. I met someone in a chat room a few years ago, found out he lived a half hour away, switched to the phone right away. We met quickly and never went back on line together again. Make it real, make it normal. If it's long distance, there are different problems. You have to carefully examine how the person talks to you and to others online - remember - "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you." If they are cheating on someone to talk to you, well, you are seeing your future in a crystal ball. If they are respectful and not overly flirtatious, ditto. And, one of the parties must be willing to move. That is a huge leap of faith and brings yet another set of problems with it. There are those who are committed enough to overcome all this - but most are not. |
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Stephie
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« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2009, 01:46:19 pm » |
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Most online relationships don't work out.The main reason I think is becasue it is exciting at first but unless you live close to them there isn't much chance of moving to the next step of meeting. Some people also can be very good at pretending they are something they are not and when the other person finds out the truth the realtionship dies.
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GoodWitch
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« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2009, 01:54:30 pm » |
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Most online relationships don't work out.The main reason I think is becasue it is exciting at first but unless you live close to them there isn't much chance of moving to the next step of meeting. Some people also can be very good at pretending they are something they are not and when the other person finds out the truth the realtionship dies.
True - also, in all fairness, people want to put their best foot forward with someone new - sometimes they aren't trying to be deceptive but they aren't revealing their whole self, either. "There are a million stories in the naked city" LOL |
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