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I had an experience this morning doing #2 that I would rather put behind me

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Author Topic: I had an experience this morning doing #2 that I would rather put behind me  (Read 194 times)
wizer
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« on: January 29, 2009, 03:47:21 pm »

Pun intended of course.

I've had 3 experiences with doodoo in recent years that I would have preferred to have skipped altogether, but I wonder if it's my body's way of telling me something..probably that I'm just getting old.

Disclaimer: As with much of what I post, the purpose of this thread is a continued journal of events in my life...and not necessarily something that I'm looking for others to read or comment on..but of course you're more than welcome to do do so...this particular post happens to be rather disgusting. Don't say you weren't warned.

My first doodoo experience was about 4 years ago during a family trip to Baltimore Maryland. Long story short..we ate at an American Style Buffet at a mall in Baltimore's newly rennovated "Inner Harbor" area. I should have known better when I grabbed a plate and the bottom of it was covered with the leftovers of someone else's dinner.. but being me I just grabbed a "clean looking" plate and filled it up, multiple times. The hotel was 20 minutes out of town, and I never made it. I had to cut across 3 lanes and jump out of the car and relieve myself in the woods...to the enjoyment of my wife and children who were more than happy to relate the story to anyone who wanted to hear it.

But I digress...the next incident was a few short weeks ago...while walking my dog to the nearby outlet stores to pick up a Christmas gift, my large intesting (or whatever it is down there that gives the signal) let me know that a bowel movement was imminent. In the 45 minutes it took me to get to the store, pick up the gift, and return home, it went from "zero to 60" and the cramps I was experiencing from trying to hold it all in were possibly responsible for stomach pains so bad the next day that I had to miss work, for the first time in a year..although some have told me the two were unrelated, that it was a stomach virus.

But again, I digress.

This morning I took my dog over to a large wooded area, and we set off on a hike. It's my day off, I was in no rush, the weather is mild for a change after all this cold and snow we've gotten in the Northeast...so we walked quite a distance and were deep in the woods when I got the first "signals". On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being 'slight urge to take a crap' to 10 being..."it's gonna blow"... the signals went from about 3 at onset to about 9.5 in less than 45 minutes, and we were at least an hour into the woods. NO WAY I was making it out of there, trying to hike while doubled over and squeezing one's butt cheeks together is no way to enjoy a leisurely hike. So I found a suitable area to do my thing, dropped my pants, and took a rather large dump. Unfortunately, nothing to wipe with except small mostly frozen leaves, and an empty coffee cup that I had stuck in my jacket pocket. After getting little success with the leaves, I ripped the cup into pieces and sort of "wipe-scooped". Upon return to my condo for the cleanup, I was rather surprised and pleased that my underwear didn't look much worse than usual.

But I gotta wonder whats going on with my bowel's lately.  Huh?

crap
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