Opposite sex friendships

[GoodWitch]

My best r/l friend is a man I've known for over half my life. We have never touched each other except for a friendly hug in greeting. There's no flirtation at all. This summer, a new venture led me to a group of new friends, the majority of whom are male. Same thing. In thinking about it, my closest "board" friends are also men, most of whom are married or otherwise involved, and with whom I do not have ANY kind of sexual "thing" going on. A couple of times in my life, friendships (with SINGLE men) have led to romance, and of course, when we eventually broke up, the friendship couldn't be reconstructed. ( As an aside, I've realized that this saddens me to such a degree, that now I'm afraid to get involved with anyone.)
Anyway, my point (you never think I'm gonna get to a point, do ya?) is that is is indeed possible to have platonic friendships which do not threaten the other's primary relationships at all. I never really realized how many of them I have! And I'm grateful for every one.

[theWiz]

I will go ya one further.  I have also found it possible to have platonic friendships (but not in all cases) with women where there was definitely some sexual chemistry, but where one or both of us was committed in a different LTR.  In a case like that, there is always some sexual tension and you both work around it...because the only alternative is to have no relationship.  Some of those friendships have stood for years and years.  The sister of an old flame, the g/f and later wife of a good friend, or just someone who happened along after I was in a marriage, watched it dissolve and be replaced with another marriage. 

The oldest of these platonic friendships goes back almost forty years to when she was a very hip eighteen, and I was a few years older.  It's a little different cuz we DID have an ongoing casual sexual thing (on the down low) even though we were both in LTRs when we met.  Then we found ourselves working together and gradually discontinued the sex thing but kept the rest of it...it's important to note that it was sexual and friendly but NOT romantic.  We have seen each other through two divorces apiece, we've lived FAR apart for most of that time...but we do see one another F2F every few years and we stay in touch by phone and email.

[GoodWitch]

I will go ya one further.  I have also found it possible to have platonic friendships (but not in all cases) with women where there was definitely some sexual chemistry, but where one or both of us was committed in a different LTR.  In a case like that, there is always some sexual tension and you both work around it...because the only alternative is to have no relationship.  Some of those friendships have stood for years and years.  The sister of an old flame, the g/f and later wife of a good friend, or just someone who happened along after I was in a marriage, watched it dissolve and be replaced with another marriage. 

The oldest of these platonic friendships goes back almost forty years to when she was a very hip eighteen, and I was a few years older.  It's a little different cuz we DID have an ongoing casual sexual thing (on the down low) even though we were both in LTRs when we met.  Then we found ourselves working together and gradually discontinued the sex thing but kept the rest of it...it's important to note that it was sexual and friendly but NOT romantic.  We have seen each other through two divorces apiece, we've lived FAR apart for most of that time...but we do see one another F2F every few years and we stay in touch by phone and email.

People are all so very different about this stuff. It's always interesting to hear other points of view. I'm not friends with any ex-lovers from the past. Breakups take far too much out of me. I believe that I could be friends with some of my ex's, but only after a long period of no contact, to allow me to completely get over them. I've always equated sex with love, and love with lifelong commitment. Whatever "casual" encounters I've had were not with friends, and they aren't anything I intend to repeat. I strongly believe, in retrospect, that had I found the right man at an early age, I would have been more than content to have been with only one person for life. I fully intend to only ever be with one more.
For the record, I am NOT an Evangelical, or a right-winger, or even a church-goer. It has nothing to do with that. But right now, I feel pretty strongly that I'm not touching anybody unless I marry them first. Being in love isn't enough. I've learned that the hard way, several times.
You'd never know I'm a child of the 70's, right? LOL I don't know anyone who feels the way I do about this stuff, with one VERY notable exception - my male r/l best friend.

[GoodWitch]

Interestingly, an online friend just told me they thought I was "more than friends" with a mutual friend of ours. I was absolutely stunned. (It's not true.)

[wizer]

Speaking for myself..I never understood the logic behind having a plutonic relationship with a person who owns a **** and a pair of breasts...but again, that's just me.

[GoodWitch]

Speaking for myself..I never understood the logic behind having a plutonic relationship with a person who owns a **** and a pair of breasts...but again, that's just me.

I guess the difference between us is this: When I evaluate someone as a potential frend, it's based on what's in their heart, not what's in their pants.

[wizer]

I guess the difference between us is this: When I evaluate someone as a potential frend, it's based on what's in their heart, not what's in their pants.

I had two good cumbacks for this one.

a) If it's a woman I base it on what's in front of her heart not within it.

b) I don't recall ever meeting someone whose breasts were in their pants. Well except maybe my grandmother.

[GoodWitch]

I had two good cumbacks for this one.

a) If it's a woman I base it on what's in front of her heart not within it.

b) I don't recall ever meeting someone whose breasts were in their pants. Well except maybe my grandmother.

a) shallow

b) shallower

[theWiz]

I guess the difference between us is this: When I evaluate someone as a potential frend, it's based on what's in their heart, not what's in their pants.

And the difference between US is THIS...I don't evaluate.  The decision about whom I call friend is really made in the heart, not the mind.

Yeah, I have friends I've DECIDED to befriend.  But the most colorful friends I've had are those to whom I was simply DRAWN, often against my better judgment.

IOW... the Goddess, and the God, use us to play with each other.  It's futile to resist.  And if this causes us pain, that usually comes from our trying to put relationships into one box, when they are meant for a different box.

[wizer]

a) shallow

b) shallower

HEY!

Who you calling shallow?

Grandma is 6 feet in the ground.

[GoodWitch]

And the difference between US is THIS...I don't evaluate.  The decision about whom I call friend is really made in the heart, not the mind.

Yeah, I have friends I've DECIDED to befriend.  But the most colorful friends I've had are those to whom I was simply DRAWN, often against my better judgment.

IOW... the Goddess, and the God, use us to play with each other.  It's futile to resist.  And if this causes us pain, that usually comes from our trying to put relationships into one box, when they are meant for a different box.

Sorry, I guess "evaluate" was the wrong word - I don't make logic-based decisions on who to be friends with, and I didn't mean it to sound that way. There is some decision process involved in whether or not to continue talking to someone - but it's not a "rational" one. If I enjoy their company, I seek it out.

I've made some logic-based decisions on who NOT to be friends with, based on people's actions, but I usually give them a bunch of chances and a whole lotta rope to hang themselves with before I give up on them.

[GoodWitch]

HEY!

Who you calling shallow?

Grandma is 6 feet in the ground.

OK.
a) hopeless
b) hopelesser  LOL

[wizer]

OK.
a) hopeless
b) hopelesser  LOL

Well, that's a given.

Once you're dead, the party's over.

Unless you're Shirley Mclaine.

[GoodWitch]

Well, that's a given.

Once you're dead, the party's over.

Unless you're Shirley Mclaine.

 I never quite knew how to take Shirley. Is she on to something, or is she a nut? 

[wizer]

I never quite knew how to take Shirley. Is she on to something, or is she a nut? 

She's an actress.

That's probably all it is. You never know what the real deal is with these celebrities.