Luke thinks a married woman at his job might like him

[wizer]

There is a married woman at my office that I'm beginning to notice is behaving nicer than usual. I'm going to state a few things that have transpired recently to see if anyone can make anything out of this:

I'm assessing the potential parameters of this to see if I'm reading into something that doesn't exist due to want of female attention in my life of if 'something' is there:

1) I sent her a personal note telling her that I appreciate her encouragement of me in the office as part of a Brian Buffini program that encourages sending out personal notes to everyone with the hope of getting referrals from people and from the public in general.

2) It appears the note has had a bit of a rise with her and since then she has been acting nicer than usual. She called me to her office, shooked hands and I hugged her.

3) She's called me into her office in one occasion and we had tea together.
I pointed her attention to a poster on the wall saying "God is watching you" and she took it down saying she doesn't believe in that, and that poster was actually sent by another person in the office. This action had me feeling a bit uncomfortable. Why would she feel uncomfortable with a poster like that on her office if I drew attention to it? I was planning to befriend her and then talk about faith issues with the hopes of converting her, but I didn't continue, but stayed in her office anyway until the Green Tea was consumed.

Usually, we are just making nice connections when I pass by her office. She may make flirtatious movements with her eyes, such as winking, smiling or waving at me, but I've dismissed that as meaning anything because I know some people are like that, and I think she's a friendly person.

4) Yesterday I passed by her office, and said I was the only student in the Buffini program. She told me that she'd like to sit in class with me. I said I'd follow up with her as to the next session of class. (in my mind I'm like, this doesn't seem usual, she's acting nice).

5) I have had minor sexual fantasies, and have had allusions of another pornish meetup site that I saw a decade ago on the internet that talked about hookups with married women. These intrusion of sexual thoughts in my mind while I am sleeping or during waking hours indicate to me two things:

a) Either her being nice to me and my lack of female attention and/or low self-esteem is leading automatically towards sexual fantasies to any woman who is going to be nice to me regardless of her intentions (i.e. whether they are pleutnoic or otherwise).

b) There is a diabolic campaign in the evil spirit world with the express purpose of trying to create a sinful action by bombarding my mind or emotions with thoughts and working on someone who is obviously not walking with the Lord (as indicated by the poster) to behave in this way to stage a potential temptation.

***************

My thoughts on it so far:

- I believe I'm reading into this and she's just being friendly. I have absolutely no game with girls and will trip on my own feet, so since I have little or no confidence with women or dating, this is all in my mind and not real. In fact, to prove this I'll follow up and invite her to the Buffini class and do everything possible - and see if she'll throw herself on me. This is just to prove it's all in my mind and it's fictitious.

Could my low self-esteem potentially contribute to an act of emotional, or worst, infidenality in this case, or am I just making this all up in my head?

My values are against adultery. It is a sin to EVEN THINK about adultery.
But I'm confident that I'm seduction-proof and have nothing to worry about and would even challenge the point to make a mockery of this and show there is nothing to it.

[GoodWitch]

Oh, hell. I have a serious crush on a man in r/l who has a g/f and I will NOT make a move unless they break up on their own.

[Murdock]

Oh, hell. I have a serious crush on a man in r/l who has a g/f and I will NOT make a move unless they break up on their own.

I'm shocked...  but at least you aren't trying to squeeze in on her territory... just remember: if he'll cheat with you... he'll cheat on you.

[wizer]

I'm shocked...  but at least you aren't trying to squeeze in on her territory... just remember: if he'll cheat with you... he'll cheat on you.

But she never said he cheated on his gf. All she said is she has a crush on him. Why is that so shocking?

[pi]

Oh I get crushes all the time. I'm married so I don't do anything about it. That's the difference
between me and a ****. There are a lot of ****'s out there.

[GoodWitch]

Lemme 'splain. He is someone local I know - he will NEVER know that I even thought about it - in fact, I hardly LET myself think about it - it's kind of like having a crush on a celeb. Plus, even if he WERE available, I'm sure he wouldn't go for me anyway! His g/f and I are different as night and day!

If he DID cheat on his g/f I wouldn't want him - he seems really happy with her & that's great. I guess this is just a "safe" place for me to be right now!  I really hope they DON'T break up. There are indeed way too many whores out there. I've never been one of them, not in the sense of adultery or stepping on a relationship. I'm damn proud of that.

[Murdock]

But she never said he cheated on his gf. All she said is she has a crush on him. Why is that so shocking?

from what I have read from GW... I didn't expect to ever read that she had a crush on someone in a relationship... she has been very precise and clear in her posts about how she feels on the subject of cheating thus far... and I was surprised by her confession post. 

now... can I blame her for being human?

absolutely not. 

is a crush an affair?  I don't know the answer to that.

[GoodWitch]

from what I have read from GW... I didn't expect to ever read that she had a crush on someone in a relationship... she has been very precise and clear in her posts about how she feels on the subject of cheating thus far... and I was surprised by her confession post. 

now... can I blame her for being human?

absolutely not. 

is a crush an affair?  I don't know the answer to that.

Let me be VERY clear - I would NEVER make any kind of a move. Period. I think this is just showing me something about the kind of guy who might be good for me at this point in my life, and where I need to be looking. I don't think it's really about HIM. It's about a "type", which is vastly different from any "type" I've ever been involved with.
The celebrities I have crushes on are married, too. And I wouldn't make any moves there, either, all joking aside, even if I had the chance. And, of course I'm only human LOL Aren't we all? 

[GoodWitch]

Murdy - Thanks for making me think about this a little more! It definitely IS about a "type". I think I'm headed in the right direction - just have to find the road LOL

[wizer]

Murdy - Thanks for making me think about this a little more! It definitely IS about a "type". I think I'm headed in the right direction - just have to find the road LOL

Follow the yellow brick road!

[GoodWitch]

Follow the yellow brick road!

LOL Very Good!

[Murdock]

Let me be VERY clear - I would NEVER make any kind of a move. Period. I think this is just showing me something about the kind of guy who might be good for me at this point in my life, and where I need to be looking. I don't think it's really about HIM. It's about a "type", which is vastly different from any "type" I've ever been involved with.
The celebrities I have crushes on are married, too. And I wouldn't make any moves there, either, all joking aside, even if I had the chance. And, of course I'm only human LOL Aren't we all? 

I think as long as you don't cross the line by doing anything you feel is wrong there are no worries.  I have weird ideas on this subject... my parents and their friends have all been married for a long time... and they all flirt with eachother.  I think the only time you cross the line is when you have ill intentions... i.e. you covet someone that is officially taken.  I would never cross the line in RL... I never have and I wouldn't ever even think about it... it's the internet and being thousands of miles away from the person I flirt with that is the issue I am finding difficult to put in perspective....  

Now... as for your current crush... if you sit back and wait your turn... no harm in that.

[GoodWitch]

I think as long as you don't cross the line by doing anything you feel is wrong there are no worries.  I have weird ideas on this subject... my parents and their friends have all been married for a long time... and they all flirt with eachother.  I think the only time you cross the line is when you have ill intentions... i.e. you covet someone that is officially taken.  I would never cross the line in RL... I never have and I wouldn't ever even think about it... it's the internet and being thousands of miles away from the person I flirt with that is the issue I am finding difficult to put in perspective....  

Now... as for your current crush... if you sit back and wait your turn... no harm in that.

I don't think I'll have a turn - they seem very happy together and I'm glad! He really is a nice guy and if he's happy, good! I've never been much of a flirt unless I mean business. It's rare, even online. I don't know why. Everyone's different with that stuff! I never once saw either of my parents flirt with anyone. Not even each other LOL I hope someday I can find a partner whose ideas about commitment are the same as mine. But the outlook does NOT look very good for that at this point.

[Murdock]

I don't think I'll have a turn - they seem very happy together and I'm glad! He really is a nice guy and if he's happy, good! I've never been much of a flirt unless I mean business. It's rare, even online. I don't know why. Everyone's different with that stuff! I never once saw either of my parents flirt with anyone. Not even each other LOL I hope someday I can find a partner whose ideas about commitment are the same as mine. But the outlook does NOT look very good for that at this point.

I think it is very decent of you to wish them well... I always hope that everyone I know is happy.... and if they aren't... I try to find a way to make them smile. 

 

[GoodWitch]

I think it is very decent of you to wish them well... I always hope that everyone I know is happy.... and if they aren't... I try to find a way to make them smile. 

 

Thank you.      So many people seem miserable, don't they? I'm a happy person by nature. Of course, like everyone, I've had "down" times. Sometimes they feel like they will never end, but they do! How's by you, Murdy? Things going any better?