The daily thought

[wizer]

When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people's hearts. 

Translation: If you're full of ****, people are going to know.

[wizer]

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.  

So, when I stop imagining that my soon to be ex has lost control of her car and gone over an embankment, and actually hope that she has a nice life, I will have begun to forgive her for her incredible amount of greed, vindictiveness and stupidy that is slowly draining the life out of all of us, right along with the funds from our bank accounts.

[GoodWitch]

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.  

So, when I stop imagining that my soon to be ex has lost control of her car and gone over an embankment, and actually hope that she has a nice life, I will have begun to forgive her for her incredible amount of greed, vindictiveness and stupidy that is slowly draining the life out of all of us, right along with the funds from our bank accounts.

Yes. It does happen, eventually - I forgave my ex husband a long time ago. "This, too, shall pass."

[dockster]

And yes, she  will perist in her actions as long as she can, with no concern for what effect it has on the family .  As long as she can push you down, punish you
  ( in her eyes ), and "injure" you  as much as she can.

After all this is her last, her final shot at you .

And on a philosphical note here .. Not to impune, or minimize the  distressing, grievous, hurtful, disappointing, and emotional roller coaster you've been on these many month ..

  With emphasis .. I ask .. So what ? 

Another cliche?  " Bad things sometimes happen to good people"

You are relatively young, intelligent, creative, competent and resilient.   

Somewhere along the line, the attorneys, or  the courts will come up with a settlement. It will finally be signed and then it will be all over . 

She will no longer be able to control or influence the rest of your life.

As GW so wisely sugests .. "This too shall pass".. and it will .. 

And you will go on earning a very comfortable living for a long time to come .. And you will do what you want .. Go where you want .. With whom you want .. When ever you want ..

And you  will look back on this very painful time, for the awful experieince that it was,  nor such a long time from now, and the intensity of the feelings,  will fade ..

She .?? She will  go on being  whatever she is .. forever .. Without  you.

My guess ?? That ..For her ? Is a terrifiing thought. Quite possibly,  if she thinks about it at all , it keeps her awake a night .. 

She has after all, whatever she has, where she has it, all  because of you. What is she going to do when you are no longer in the picture ..guiding, assisting, planning achieving,  accomplishing, providing?

Like I suggest .. A terrifying thought .. Spousal support does not go on forever ..

You'll  be just fine .. Just fine ..

I wouldn't fool a nice guy like you .. Would I??

[wizer]

Somewhere along the line, the attorneys, or  the courts will come up with a settlement. It will finally be signed and then it will be all over . 

She will no longer be able to control or influence the rest of your life.

Of course she can always find reasons to drag me back to court until my youngest is 21. More support, more college money...something...

Sure her "grip" will be less tenacious, but it's going to be there a while.

[Murdock]

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.  

So, when I stop imagining that my soon to be ex has lost control of her car and gone over an embankment, and actually hope that she has a nice life, I will have begun to forgive her for her incredible amount of greed, vindictiveness and stupidity that is slowly draining the life out of all of us, right along with the funds from our bank accounts.

if you haven't contemplated murder... you ain't ever been in love ~ Chris Rock

every time I read something about your divorce... I cringe... and then I realize the relationship must have been very passionate... because she has lost her damn mind... and she has dragged you, the kids and herself through hell... I don't understand why she would do this unless she still loves you.  Latin women are funny that way... they hold onto pain... and dish misery like ice cream with a side order of guilt as the chocolate syrup.

[GoodWitch]

if you haven't contemplated murder... you ain't ever been in love ~ Chris Rock

every time I read something about your divorce... I cringe... and then I realize the relationship must have been very passionate... because she has lost her damn mind... and she has dragged you, the kids and herself through hell... I don't understand why she would do this unless she still loves you.  Latin women are funny that way... they hold onto pain... and dish misery like ice cream with a side order of guilt as the chocolate syrup.

Latin-blooded people tend to have very strong emotions. The majority also come from Catholic families, which accentuates a sense of obligation to relationships. When someone like that feels abandoned, it is NOT good. But it does pass, things cool off eventually, and bygones will be bygones.

All the court stuff has to get over with and then the real healing can begin.

[wizer]

if you haven't contemplated murder... you ain't ever been in love ~ Chris Rock

every time I read something about your divorce... I cringe... and then I realize the relationship must have been very passionate... because she has lost her damn mind... and she has dragged you, the kids and herself through hell... I don't understand why she would do this unless she still loves you.  Latin women are funny that way... they hold onto pain... and dish misery like ice cream with a side order of guilt as the chocolate syrup.

After she did all of those things to me...the Order of Protection to get me out of the house, filing for divorce, for support, for alienating the kids...she broke down and begged me to come back..wrote me a letter (which has been entered into evidence) telling me how sorry she was, how wrong she was..how much she loves me.

I don't believe it. I think she's afraid to be alone. We were married for the wrong reasons. It worked for more than 15 years, then it broke. It's over. She has hopefully started to accept that.

Another status conference this week..hopefully an offer will be made, if not by them, then by me, and we can try to work toward a resolution with no trial. Doubtful. But I can hope.

[Skylla]

if you haven't contemplated murder... you ain't ever been in love ~ Chris Rock

every time I read something about your divorce... I cringe... and then I realize the relationship must have been very passionate... because she has lost her damn mind... and she has dragged you, the kids and herself through hell... I don't understand why she would do this unless she still loves you.  Latin women are funny that way... they hold onto pain... and dish misery like ice cream with a side order of guilt as the chocolate syrup.

I have thought the same thing.....they must have had a very passionate relationship....and although she would probably never admit it, she still loves him. 

Otherwise she would be reasonable about the divorce and be willing to end it without all the drama.  But she still cares and loves him so she isn't going to do that.  Plus I imagine she is jealous of his relationship with his new woman.  And we all know jealously can make a woman do all kinds of stupid, crazy stuff.

And Wizer is right until their child is 21 she will forever drag him back to court for whatever trival reason she can think to do.  She will not want him to have any peace in his new life with his new woman. 

And it won't end there.....someday their children will have them grandchildren and she will forever have that hold over him.  I am only saying this cause I have seen it happen.  She will forever be a thorn in his side.  He is just going to have to cope with it the best way he can. 

I know of a woman who got divorced, has been living with another man for at least 8 years, but her mission in life is still to make her x pay...... .  And I am sure she still loves him..... ....now that is ... , but it happens.

[GoodWitch]

I know of a woman who got divorced, has been living with another man for at least 8 years, but her mission in life is still to make her x pay...... .  And I am sure she still loves him..... ....now that is ... , but it happens.

Wow! That's pretty extreme! I don't have any malice toward my ex-husband, and haven't for a long time. I go through my whole cycle of feelings and then it all just subsides. As long as he doesn't start trouble, which he won't at this point, it's all good.

[Skylla]

After she did all of those things to me...the Order of Protection to get me out of the house, filing for divorce, for support, for alienating the kids...she broke down and begged me to come back..wrote me a letter (which has been entered into evidence) telling me how sorry she was, how wrong she was..how much she loves me.

I don't believe it. I think she's afraid to be alone. We were married for the wrong reasons. It worked for more than 15 years, then it broke. It's over. She has hopefully started to accept that.

Another status conference this week..hopefully an offer will be made, if not by them, then by me, and we can try to work toward a resolution with no trial. Doubtful. But I can hope.

I still agree with murdy.....she still loves you.

You said yourself, it worked for about 15 years....then it broke...it broke for you, but not for her...she still loves you.

You say she even sent you a letter...which has been entered into evidence...what more do you need....the woman still loves you....and because of that....it will never be over, cause she won't let it be.

Her mission in life is going to be to stay a thorn in your side.

I am sending a big hug to you Wizer........a big hug.

[Skylla]

Wow! That's pretty extreme! I don't have any malice toward my ex-husband, and haven't for a long time. I go through my whole cycle of feelings and then it all just subsides. As long as he doesn't start trouble, which he won't at this point, it's all good.

I also have an x husband who I have no malice for.....because I quit loving or caring about him before the divorce.

I wish him no harm....I hope he is happy in his new life with his new wife....I have even been to their house...and they have been to mine......if I still loved the man, I would not feel this way.

[wizer]

Her mission in life is going to be to stay a thorn in your side.

I am sending a big hug to you Wizer........a big hug.

No doubt. And she tried dating briefly..did the match.com thing...told me (during the time we were at least "civil") that she found guys that treated her with respect and kindness..something that was lacking during the last year or so of our marriage.

Apparently that didn't work out. She is no longer dating anyone and according to my youngest, her mom was not happy with the guys she was meeting and she is going to stay single for a long time.

Meanwhile I have been dating a woman for over a year. That's gotta sting..

[GoodWitch]

No doubt. And she tried dating briefly..did the match.com thing...told me (during the time we were at least "civil") that she found guys that treated her with respect and kindness..something that was lacking during the last year or so of our marriage.

Apparently that didn't work out. She is no longer dating anyone and according to my youngest, her mom was not happy with the guys she was meeting and she is going to stay single for a long time.

Meanwhile I have been dating a woman for over a year. That's gotta sting..

She might be better served taking some time off from dating. Some people try to jump in too soon and it can be disastrous. You have to be over someone before you can be seriously interested in someone else. When one guy broke up with me, in 1986, I started dating before I was ready, and one guy I met really WAS great - and I regret that I wasn't ready. Now I know how I need to feel before I start fishing again LOL

In your case, I really think once the court stuff is over, great strides will be made in all areas. You'll both settle into new patterns.

[GoodWitch]

Goodwitch...I did the same thing years ago, I started dating before I was ready....I wasn't quit over my x yet, and I dumped a really great guy, who later I wished I hadn't.  But I just wasn't ready at the time.

Hopefully Wizers stbxw will find something to fill her life, even if its not another man right away and move on, hopefully she will get over her failed marriage, and put it all behind her. 

And I agree, once the court stuff is over, things will settle down for both of them. 

New beginnings can be such a good thing.

Finding something to fill one's life is critical to the healing/changing process. I've done that myself this summer and it's made all the difference in the world. New beginnings are wonderful!