The_Matrix

July 8. Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

Not sure about "virtue"...but it sure is the smart thing to do.

I like these quotes. There is that split second that can change your life forever.
The difference between wrong and right, good and bad. We have choices.
That reminds me of the serenity prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the widom
to know the difference." 

My thought for today is "**** 'em if they can't take a joke."  I'm in RARE FORM, people. Look out! LOL

THAT'S RIGHT GW! Who peed in your oats this morning. Did you have
cocktails after your breakfast?  Good for you.

LOL I've been hanging around the horse barns too much is all  :D

you mean someone to do...  ;)

LOL Well, of course!  ;)

hello GW... long time no type...  >:D

Morning, Murdy - nice to see ya!

it ain't morning here... just really late.

but good mornin  :)

I see!  It's 5:30 a.m. here and I'm about to go walk a few miles before the heat takes over!

oh my... it doesn't get past 80 here lately.

Just got back, it's about 70 now, expecting mid 90's. Yuck.

Thought for the day:  "The brighter the picture, the darker the negative." - source unknown.

It's hot and muggy out here on Long Island..this is the worst part of the summer. Headed out East to Montauk Point for an overnighter on Saturday but everything seems booked up. Looks like we might be sleeping in the car.  :P

When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.

I like this one. It means that sometimes we are powerless to change something, so we need to make adjustments.

I can relate to that! My divorce resulted in me making changes in my relationship with my daughters...a new place to live, and some financial adjustments as well...I can't change the decisions made by the court, no matter how unfair, so I adjust myself. So far it's worked..

I like that, too. I can't change anything. Adapt or die. Evolution 101.

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. 


— Bono
 

when ever you are sad... lay in bed, watch old movies and eat otter pops....  :)


~ murdy

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.   
— Raymond Hull


In other words, be yourself and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself even if it means going against the grain.

I hope it doesn't have anything to do with trimming hair.

Good timing on that one LOL

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

you are one of my favorite people... in the world.... and right now there are only three people on that list.

if you think the rug rats will sit still... I can face paint for the b-day party... but I ain't dressing up like a clown... I heard about your text to uncle m.   ;D

 :)

back to topic... sorry for the hyjack  :-X

I have a quote.

Ignorance is the dark room where fear is created.

Very good. Lotta dark rooms around lately......

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

That's definitely true for business. Sometimes you gotta take the risks to make the big bucks. If I didn't go into business for myself, and buy this building that houses my practice I would not be nearly at the level of success I am today. Sure it's stressful, and there's no guarantee of a steady paycheck, but it beats working for somebody.

Amen.
"If you're gonna do it, don't be scared.
If you're gonna be scared, don't do it."

Women who fly up side down in airplane have crack up

When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people's hearts. 

Translation: If you're full of ****, people are going to know.

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.  

So, when I stop imagining that my soon to be ex has lost control of her car and gone over an embankment, and actually hope that she has a nice life, I will have begun to forgive her for her incredible amount of greed, vindictiveness and stupidy that is slowly draining the life out of all of us, right along with the funds from our bank accounts.

Yes. It does happen, eventually - I forgave my ex husband a long time ago. "This, too, shall pass."

And yes, she  will perist in her actions as long as she can, with no concern for what effect it has on the family .  As long as she can push you down, punish you
  ( in her eyes ), and "injure" you  as much as she can.

After all this is her last, her final shot at you .

And on a philosphical note here .. Not to impune, or minimize the  distressing, grievous, hurtful, disappointing, and emotional roller coaster you've been on these many month ..

  With emphasis .. I ask .. So what ? 

Another cliche?  " Bad things sometimes happen to good people"

You are relatively young, intelligent, creative, competent and resilient.   

Somewhere along the line, the attorneys, or  the courts will come up with a settlement. It will finally be signed and then it will be all over . 

She will no longer be able to control or influence the rest of your life.

As GW so wisely sugests .. "This too shall pass".. and it will .. 

And you will go on earning a very comfortable living for a long time to come .. And you will do what you want .. Go where you want .. With whom you want .. When ever you want ..

And you  will look back on this very painful time, for the awful experieince that it was,  nor such a long time from now, and the intensity of the feelings,  will fade ..

She .?? She will  go on being  whatever she is .. forever .. Without  you.

My guess ?? That ..For her ? Is a terrifiing thought. Quite possibly,  if she thinks about it at all , it keeps her awake a night .. 

She has after all, whatever she has, where she has it, all  because of you. What is she going to do when you are no longer in the picture ..guiding, assisting, planning achieving,  accomplishing, providing?

Like I suggest .. A terrifying thought .. Spousal support does not go on forever ..

You'll  be just fine .. Just fine ..

I wouldn't fool a nice guy like you .. Would I??

Of course she can always find reasons to drag me back to court until my youngest is 21. More support, more college money...something...

Sure her "grip" will be less tenacious, but it's going to be there a while.

if you haven't contemplated murder... you ain't ever been in love ~ Chris Rock

every time I read something about your divorce... I cringe... and then I realize the relationship must have been very passionate... because she has lost her damn mind... and she has dragged you, the kids and herself through hell... I don't understand why she would do this unless she still loves you.  Latin women are funny that way... they hold onto pain... and dish misery like ice cream with a side order of guilt as the chocolate syrup.

Latin-blooded people tend to have very strong emotions. The majority also come from Catholic families, which accentuates a sense of obligation to relationships. When someone like that feels abandoned, it is NOT good. But it does pass, things cool off eventually, and bygones will be bygones.

All the court stuff has to get over with and then the real healing can begin.

After she did all of those things to me...the Order of Protection to get me out of the house, filing for divorce, for support, for alienating the kids...she broke down and begged me to come back..wrote me a letter (which has been entered into evidence) telling me how sorry she was, how wrong she was..how much she loves me.

I don't believe it. I think she's afraid to be alone. We were married for the wrong reasons. It worked for more than 15 years, then it broke. It's over. She has hopefully started to accept that.

Another status conference this week..hopefully an offer will be made, if not by them, then by me, and we can try to work toward a resolution with no trial. Doubtful. But I can hope.

I have thought the same thing.....they must have had a very passionate relationship....and although she would probably never admit it, she still loves him. 

Otherwise she would be reasonable about the divorce and be willing to end it without all the drama.  But she still cares and loves him so she isn't going to do that.  Plus I imagine she is jealous of his relationship with his new woman.  And we all know jealously can make a woman do all kinds of stupid, crazy stuff.

And Wizer is right until their child is 21 she will forever drag him back to court for whatever trival reason she can think to do.  She will not want him to have any peace in his new life with his new woman. 

And it won't end there.....someday their children will have them grandchildren and she will forever have that hold over him.  I am only saying this cause I have seen it happen.  She will forever be a thorn in his side.  He is just going to have to cope with it the best way he can. 

I know of a woman who got divorced, has been living with another man for at least 8 years, but her mission in life is still to make her x pay...... :'( :'( :'(.  And I am sure she still loves him..... :'(....now that is ... :D, but it happens.

Wow! That's pretty extreme! I don't have any malice toward my ex-husband, and haven't for a long time. I go through my whole cycle of feelings and then it all just subsides. As long as he doesn't start trouble, which he won't at this point, it's all good.

I still agree with murdy.....she still loves you.

You said yourself, it worked for about 15 years....then it broke...it broke for you, but not for her...she still loves you.

You say she even sent you a letter...which has been entered into evidence...what more do you need....the woman still loves you....and because of that....it will never be over, cause she won't let it be.

Her mission in life is going to be to stay a thorn in your side.

I am sending a big hug to you Wizer........a big hug.

I also have an x husband who I have no malice for.....because I quit loving or caring about him before the divorce.

I wish him no harm....I hope he is happy in his new life with his new wife....I have even been to their house...and they have been to mine......if I still loved the man, I would not feel this way.

No doubt. And she tried dating briefly..did the match.com thing...told me (during the time we were at least "civil") that she found guys that treated her with respect and kindness..something that was lacking during the last year or so of our marriage.

Apparently that didn't work out. She is no longer dating anyone and according to my youngest, her mom was not happy with the guys she was meeting and she is going to stay single for a long time.

Meanwhile I have been dating a woman for over a year. That's gotta sting..

She might be better served taking some time off from dating. Some people try to jump in too soon and it can be disastrous. You have to be over someone before you can be seriously interested in someone else. When one guy broke up with me, in 1986, I started dating before I was ready, and one guy I met really WAS great - and I regret that I wasn't ready. Now I know how I need to feel before I start fishing again LOL

In your case, I really think once the court stuff is over, great strides will be made in all areas. You'll both settle into new patterns.

Finding something to fill one's life is critical to the healing/changing process. I've done that myself this summer and it's made all the difference in the world. New beginnings are wonderful!

My wife was seeing a guy for a short time, about a year ago. During that time she was so much easier to get along with..she even said this guy said that I was taking good care of her and the kids financially and helped her see it that way.

When I went over there to get the trailer a few months ago, I was working on the trailer and she came out and said "Will it bother you if my "friend" comes over while you are here? I said "no, of course not", and wondered why she even came out to ask me that. This guy comes over, says hi, and goes inside.

I saw my daughter later that night and my curiousity was piqued so I asked her about the guy. I never ask her about her mom, if she feels like bring up the subject then I am more than willing to listen but otherwise I don't put her on the spot..but this was an exception. She told me the guy was just someone that helped her out around the house, that she doesnt have a boyfriend and hasn't had one in a very long time. And she would know...because she went into detail about the other 2 a year or so back when she was dating.

So why did my wife go to the trouble to ask me if it "would bother me"....the question...is rhetorical, I think it supports the suggestions made in this thread.

She's hurting..

Yeah - she's definitely still hurting. Some people take longer than others to feel better.

She's still hurting, maybe even still hoping...that something will change and you will all be that happy family again.

And I think she was trying to maybe make you jealous......which isn't going to work if you are over it all.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

My take on it: If you are going to do something, do it right. My OCD works for me in that respect...when I get into a project, whether its related to my vision care practice, or home improvement, or some sort of computer thing...I go at it with all my energy and resources until its done to my satisfaction...

I don't think I put that much effort into my relationships though. That was a weird thought that just popped in my head as I was posting this. I have to dwell on this further...with all I got...

I always over-focused on my relationships. I think that's changed, though - at least for now. I had a serious breakthrough a few weeks ago about priorities, and, though I'm not fond of this expression, I've had a "sea change" of sorts.

You only date mermen?

(http://neo3555.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/merman.jpg)

Nope. But I might someday. I'm not prejudiced LOL

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.

George Carlin did a funny routine about this.

I forget the words he used, and it's all in the delivery, but it was along the lines of...

"You ever notice how anyone not traveling at the same speed as you is either an **** or an idiot?

Look at that guy flying by me, what an ****!  The guy in front of you, in the left lane with his left turn signal on, going at or just below the limit, is an idiot!"

I guess you had to be there...

he's kinda cute... can't say I blame ya.

 ;)

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. 

I feel this way especially after my most recent divorce status conference. It's more like life is one hurdle after another. If you can jump over them, knock them down, or go around them, you can start working your way to the next one. Such is life.

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. 

Ah, so that dream I had about two women "servicing me", and then taking care of each other...that's really a form of planning. Got it.

 ;)

 :D I had a dream last night that I was on a plane with a golden retriever and two parrots, and people were getting very sick, and some guy was yelling at me that it was my fault, and then the plane crashed in the ocean. The dog was swimming incredibly fast and the birds were hanging on to its back. When I woke up I was actually shaking.
Tonight I'm determined to dream about Jon Bon Jovi and David Cassidy, no planes, no dogs, no birds.

Do you know that if you are dreaming that you are falling, and you don't wake up before you hit the ground, you die in your sleep?

I heard that somewhere. It makes perfect sense to me. Except that I had a dream that I was falling, and I woke up AFTER I hit..the floor.

I've heard that theory and I'm living proof that it's a fallacy. I've dreamed of falling off buildings, etc. This wasn't my first plane-crash dream. (It represents the economy.)

You hit the floor - LOL - funny how you can have an entire dream in just a few real-time seconds. Like if you dream a whole story about fire engines, etc., and it's your alarm clock going off.

Yes, it's a fallacy. And it's true..you can dream a lot faster than "real time". The mind works in strange ways...

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
- Judy Garland

you can plan all you want, but will you be ready for the mystery of the next moment.
~ponder app.

oooh... I like it!

 O0

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. 

That reminds me of something a therapist said to me once..when I used to go regularly, during the early part of my divorce. Soon after I was thrown out of my house in the middle of the night by two sheriff's deputies, due to a bogus restraining order filed by my ex (which she retracted about a month later), I was in her office, and still in a mild state of shock.

She said it's perfectly normal to feel that way...I was displaced from my home...and having a place to call home where you feel safe, secure, and comfortable is probably more important than anything else. And here I was..in an apartment, without most of my possessions, in a strange environment, plus dealing with all of the legal matters relating to my divorce...and that unsettled feeling didnt go away until recently..after I moved into my condo...and started making it my home.

This past week I tied together all of the projects I had on my list..everything is pretty much finished, and I finally feel like I am settled in. I'm home. Finally.

There's No Place Like Home!  I'm glad you feel more settled. I knew you would. I'm a homebody myself.

Looks like you are all settled in Wizer......bet it feels good!! 

It sure does. I'm wrapping up all the projects now..which is good, but also...it leaves me with too much down time now.

And the girlfriend is working way too much. Now its going to start to matter.

don't get to comfortable yet, you may have to move one more time after the divorce.
into the poor house.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. 

This is a good one. Everyone's going to have some snags in their life, and it's how you respond to life's crisis that really matters.

I've taken a few hits in my life..this divorce, my building burning down in a fire, the loss of my mother at a young age..but if I knew at the time what I know now..that things are NEVER as bad as they seem..I would have gotten through it a whole lot better.

This divorce isn't "legally" over yet, but in my mind I have achieved relative "closure" and have saved myself a lot of grief.

Approach every catastrophe with an open mind. There are ALWAYS options, and if you are closeminded, and scared, and not thinking clearly, you won't see all of them.

True, so very true.

Very true. I like that a lot.

You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile.

I like this one. It compares life to a game..you're born into whatever situation it may be..whether its into the household of a drug addicted alcoholic living in poverty, or the child of a multimillionaire...you do what you can with whatever nature, genetics, and good old fashioned luck sends your way.

Victory is won not in miles, but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more. 

So many of these seem to apply to my divorce..lol

It's been a battle for over 2 years..and at first I took some huge hits (casualties), I nursed my wounds, put on the tournequets where necessary..and the last few exchanges back ann forth..in court and between the attorneys, seem to be going my way.

If things go the way I expect them to..the final battle..DDAY...which is the trial in March..should end with me getting a reasonable settlement (victory!)..as it stands right now, her life is in turmoil, she's spending the money faster than I am shoveling it to her..and she's bitter and miserable as per her outburst in the court hallway yesterday.

Wars are not won in one day.

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act upon them?

Here's a double for you..

Life can only be understood backwards, but it has to be lived forwards.

— Søren Kierkegaard

Tears are nature's lotion for the eyes. The eyes see better for being washed by them.

―Christian Nestell Bovee

 

Here's some advice, Bud: tell that lady to beat it!  :angry: Tell the old judge yer old ladys' a freakin loon and there should be no problem  :wink:

I'm going to do a heck of a lot more than that.

12 days to go.

But who's counting... :roll:

12 Days?  Wow... it came up fast!

12 days and it will all be over..... :thumbsup:

So will it be party time at the Matrix?

I want to be here when the judge rules in your favor..... :furry:

Fast?   ??? ???  Its been 2 years of one delay after another.....Wizer....there isn't a chance of another delay is there???  I mean this is it, right?

It was sarcasm.

I bet you are feeling like you are on pins and needles now.

I hope everything will finally be over for you in 12 days.  I know it's been a long haul for you, and a very tough one for you at that.

I hope everything works out the way it should  :yes: (in your favor of course!)

I wish you luck and blessings with all this entails, wizer.  :smiley:

No adjournments are permitted as per court order, the 3 days are scheduled in the judge's "docket". Of course you never know what can happen but it's highly unlikely that it will be delayed.


I'm extremely wound up. And not only because of the trial itself..it symbolizes the end of this chapter of my life. The beginning of a new one. With lots of unknowns..even though I have already moved, gotten re-established, learning how to live alone again..it's still..well...a chapter!


Thanks, man.. :smiley: